


The Days When My Mother Was There

by DawnofHearts



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Depression, Dreams, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family, Flashbacks, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Memories, Suicidal Thoughts, aka Futaba's journey through memory lane, with special guest Shadow Futaba
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:41:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 18,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24874801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DawnofHearts/pseuds/DawnofHearts
Summary: After gaining her Persona and defeating the cognitive monster in her heart, Futaba's body goes under a long stupor. Unable to handle the strain of her newfound abilities, the girl sleeps day after day until her energy is fully restored. But while her body is in a state of rest, her mind is as active as it's ever been.Sometimes, the best way to move forward is to look back.
Relationships: Amamiya Ren & Sakura Futaba, Isshiki Wakaba & Sakura Futaba, Kurusu Akira & Sakura Futaba, Persona 5 Protagonist & Sakura Futaba, Sakura Futaba & Sakura Sojiro
Comments: 2
Kudos: 25





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> CW for depression and suicidal ideation.
> 
> The asterisks (*****) indicate a change in time, location or both.
> 
> Akira Kurusu is used as the name of the protagonist(And will be in whatever else I write).
> 
> I'll save everything else I want to say for the end notes. Please enjoy~

“Oh, right. Medjed.” Futaba Sakura gave herself a curt reminder as she started to walk away. The desert wind blew her hair around, grains of sand attaching themselves to her orange locks.

“Where are you going?” Makoto questioned her. After all, Futaba had just finished working together with the renowned Phantom Thieves to defeat a cognitive monster version of her mother. The battle was rather lengthy, draining the young hacker of her physical and emotional strength. In the end, she was able to learn the truth behind that life-changing incident. What she wanted to do with this information was something that would take some time to figure out. But first, a much-needed nap.

“Home. I know how to use the Nav now.” Hands behind her back, she resumed her walk home without waiting for an answer. The Phantom Thieves seemed to be at a loss for words but that was of no importance to her.

“Huh? Oh... right.” 

“She left...”

“That girl marches to the beat of her own drum, doesn’t she?”

“Like you’re one to talk.”

“Heh. I like that about her.”

That last comment slightly piqued Futaba’s interest. It came from their leader, Akira Kurusu, also known as the guy who’s crashing in LeBlanc. As grateful as the tech wizard was, she wasn’t quite certain how she felt about this person who randomly dropped in on her guardian’s life. She’s still not sure why Sojiro even took him in. It was a discussion for another time though. The skintight outfit she was wearing did not treat her well in the desert heat. After walking a little farther, she could no longer see or hear the group of thieves talking.

While she knew how to return home, she wasn’t exactly sure how much distance should be put between her and the others. _No way to find out but to do it,_ she thought as she took her phone out of her pocket. The high-tech device nearly fell out of her hands as the ground started to rumble, shaking everything from the bricks to the various coffins. Oh, that’s right. There’s no way her Palace would be able to continue existing now that she has a Persona.

_08/07/16 2:19 PM_

With a sense of urgency, she unlocked her phone screen and tapped on the glowing eyeball icon that represented the MetaNav. The app opened up and the automated navigation voice initiated its speech.

“Would you like to return to the re-” Futaba tapped on the Yes button at world record speeds.

“Returning to the real world. Thank you for your hard work.” As the voice clip came to a close, Futaba began to not only see, but feel the distortion around her. Going from one world to the other was a strange feeling, as if the air was turning to clay around your body. It was something she could get used to though. A much more preferred option than being in pain during the process, which is how it was in some of her sci-fi manga. She was back in the real world before she knew it, right in front of her house. 

“You have returned to the real world. Welcome back,” the MetaNav announcer confirmed that everything went well. _This mystery app is somehow more polite than the apps made by people,_ Futaba couldn’t help the thought and chuckled silently. With a quick glance, she saw that her clothes were back to regular as well. The familiar JLMK shirt was happy to greet her. Almost instantly however, as if someone suckerpunched her in the gut, her legs started to buckle. She would have fallen quite painfully on her back had the brick wall surrounding her building not been there.

All the exhaustion of the past few hours struck her at once. Her body, already lacking stamina and energy from the lack of physical activity over the years, could not deal with the stress of awakening to a Persona. The wall was the only reason she could just barely slump down into a sitting position. Her arms resting on her knees, she attempted to summon any remaining bits of vitality she had left.

 _This is definitely not the place to take a nap. C’mon, body! Work with me here!!_ Futaba tried to lift herself off the ground yet her limbs could not listen to her. Her consciousness was already beginning to slip away. She made an effort once more to lift her legs and the only response her body could give was to lower her head into her forearms. The last thing the intellectual could think of was how much she would hate to end up on the news for passing out in the middle of the neighborhood in broad daylight.

*********

“ _Hey, Futaba? Heyyy?_ ” An extremely familiar voice echoed in Futaba’s thoughts. She felt a vague sense of haziness that permeated through her entire body. She wasn’t quite sure whether she was in a dream or not but she tried to respond to the voice anyways.

“ _Mmm..._ ” Despite the effort to speak out, the words could not find themselves. The semi-conscious girl had doubts about whether or not she even had a mouth. All five of her senses were dulled and foggy, as if trapped underwater. She had no ability to tell if they were real or not, but more recognizable voices began to fade in and out.

“ _Futaba-chan’s condition..._ ”

“ _...know she’ll be okay..._ ”

“ _...every so often... used up all her... out of batteries... enough exercise... few days whenever..._ ”

“... _What..._ ”

“ _...plenty of rest... an eye on her... close the store..._ ”

“ _...hard to describe how I feel..._ ”

“ _...pretty frustrated..._ ”

“ _...glad she’s okay... do about Medjed..._ ”

Medjed... Medjed... That’s right! The identity she first made for herself online. The ultimate hacker of justice. At least that’s who she was before tons of fakers using the name started to pop up. And she made a deal with a certain group to crush those fakers after her heart was stolen. Hanging on to that point of cognizance with all of her strength, Futaba’s consciousness began to rise and her eyes slowly opened.

“Ah...” The first thing she noticed was that her room lights were on. She couldn’t even recall the last time that happened. Her bed felt as comfortable as usual at the very least. The next was how... heavy her body felt. She could barely move her head to look at the people staring at her in shock. The rest of her body was completely out of the question. There was a slight pain in her arms yet her legs and body had a feeling of numbness. In addition to that, her exhaustion was still very apparent. She must not have slept long after passing out in front of the house.

“She’s up!” That loud voice belonged to... Ryuji Sakamoto, if her hazy memory served her correctly. A quick glance told her that the rest of the Phantom Thieves were in her room as well, worried gazes across the board. An easy conclusion was reached that one of them had found her outside and moved her to her bed. There was a small desire to say thanks but more than anything at the moment, Futaba just wanted to go back to sleep.

“Medjed...” she muttered listlessly to no one. After losing herself in thought for a rapid moment, the executive decision was made.

“Tired. Gonna sleep for a bit,” she declared with a yawn. In an instant, her eyes were closed and the sound of a light snore followed soon after. Before she completely lost herself to the void of unconsciousness again, the last thing Futaba was aware of was Ryuji’s blaring voice going off once more.

“She fell asleep again?!”

*********

As she awakened again, Futaba was surprised to find herself not in her room, but in an area filled with darkness. It would have been impossible to see were it not for the multiple glowing green lights spread around. Upon closer inspection, she could see that all of them were symbols, characters and emojis she recognized and used often on her computer. With a deep breath, she sat herself up on her bed and rubbed her eyes. Her glasses were nowhere to be found in the vicinity yet her vision was crystal clear. It was as if she had obtained contacts during her slumber. She waved her hands in front of her face, but before she could celebrate her new magical sight, the revelation struck that her body felt positively energized. No more exhaustion or numbness or pain. With a small mwehehe, Futaba started to further explore her surroundings before a voice stopped her in her tracks.

“I’m surprised. I didn’t expect our next meeting to be in a place like this.” The wide-eyed genius spun around at high speed and came face-to-face with someone she could recognize in a heartbeat. The long orange hair was a perfect match. While the figure’s posture was far more rigid and imposing, her height was too similar to be coincidence. The golden headpiece she was wearing bore the powerful image of a snake and the red jewels lining it shined in the darkness. More golden jewelry lined her collar, upper arms and wrists, while her neck and chest were covered in tight wraps. These wraps were lengthened, connecting the pieces of jewelry on the arms and the wrists to create an image of wings. Her white skirt extended all the way to the floor, held to her waist by a belt created with more gold. A jewel-filled sash both in the front and back completed the image of the Pharaoh. Even though the glasses were exactly the same, the shining golden eyes behind them could only be described as intense.

The last person Futaba expected to see in wherever this place could be was her shadow. Despite the initial surprise however, only one important detail appeared to be on the young hacker’s mind. After staring at her shadow self for a moment, Futaba marched up to the unyielding figure.

“Aren’t you a bit too short?!” she exclaimed, her arms moving behind her back.

“I shouldn’t have to tell you that our heights are the exact same,” Shadow Futaba responded matter-of-factly, her supernatural voice echoing throughout the dark space. Her body did not move yet her eyes held a sense of irritation.

“No way. You’re like a pipsqueak. I am definitely taller than this,” she retorted with a harrumph. She put the non-existent height difference in the back of her mind and continued. “Anyways, didn’t you turn into my UFO? And what even is this place? Either I’m dreaming or I died when I passed out and this is some super strange version of the afterlife.”

“Your body appears to be resting now. You completely ran out of stamina after that battle. As for myself, your mind has manifested me in this form. Most likely because it is easier to talk to someone with a face. I can revert back to Necronomicon however, if that is your desire,” the pharaoh responded, slightly tilting her head in question.

Thinking it over for a second, Futaba shook her head.

“Nah. Talking to a UFO would weird me out. Talking to myself isn’t that much better though...” With a sigh, she gave up and stuck with the lesser of two weirds.

“You subconsciously created the space you were in when we worked together to defeat that monster. You felt a sense of comfort inside, even within the acute heat of battle,” the shadow stated. Futaba almost felt like she could see the tiniest hint of a smile on her mirror’s face, but it was more likely the imagination.

“Huh. So I’m inside the UFO, which is actually you, except in a dream. Pretty neat!” The Persona-user understood swiftly. The place did seem familiar after another look around. What her shadow said made perfect sense. Analyzing the battle from afar, helping out the Phantom Thieves by blocking the cognitive monster’s attacks, increasing their attack power and creating a ballista for them to use. And especially what happened at the end of the battle. All of it felt...liberating. Free. After feeling trapped by her own guilt for years, obtaining the ability to fight for herself was a massive rush of joy. And she was able to do so while flying around in a UFO! It was definitely the coolest and most unique experience the shut-in had in a long time. A grin soon found itself on her face.

“Indeed. With our efforts and the powers of the Phantom Thieves, we were able to destroy that false creature and you came to understand the truth of what happened to Mother. Yet despite knowing what you want to do, there remains doubt in your heart. Why is that?” The tone of the hacker’s shadow was more curious than harsh, yet the question still felt uncomfortable.

Futaba shifted her feet around awkwardly. She looked downward, fingers moving behind her back without confidence. Doubt. Was that the word for what she was feeling?

“Aren’t you me?! You should know why I’m feeling doubt or whatever,” she said unsurely, trying to rebound the question onto her other self.

“I do. And if I know, that means you know as well. The meaning shall have more significance if it comes from your mouth,” Shadow Futaba said. Once again, her voice wasn’t forceful at all. If anything, there was a vague form of kindness attached to it. Futaba wanted to retort that they have the same mouth but kept her silence. Even in her Palace, her shadow had been surprisingly helpful. Granted, it was because of Futaba having the desire to help herself more than anything. But still, seeing that desire come to life and have its own voice was quite the peculiar feeling. She sighed once more.

“I...I want to find the guys who killed Mom. I meant it when I said I’ll never forgive those bastards. It’s just... I have no idea where to start,” she replied, hesitation resounding in every word. Shadow Futaba gave a small nod.

“Even before you asked the Phantom Thieves to free your heart, you tried to find out where Mother’s research went. You became a master hacker and did your best to scour the internet for anything that could help” the shadow stated as if reading from memory.

“Mhmm,” Futaba agreed. “I checked around as much as possible. I looked at the deepest parts of the net, hacked into a bunch of emails, saw a ton I definitely shouldn’t have and put in as much effort as I could. Hours spent every day trying to get anything related to Mom or her cognitive psience research. But...there was nothing,” she said. The memory of that crushed, defeated feeling returned to her. “No matter where I looked, no matter how much. Those assholes covered their tracks too well…”

Shadow Futaba nodded once more but said nothing. Her glowing eyes remained on her real self, a gaze of expectancy following them. Futaba groaned under that look and continued.

“ _That’s_ why I’m hesitating. For them to hide that good, they must be some secret big power. A group of government officials or even bigger. I couldn’t find anything months ago and I know I’m not gonna find anything if I look again. On top of that, Sojiro might get put in danger if I keep going. He was already getting pressured by that prosecutor lady to give info on Mom’s research because of me. If something were to happen to him thanks to me snooping around, I’d...” She couldn’t continue the thought. She already owed Sojiro a debt she could never pay back. Putting him in harm’s way was something she wanted to avoid at all costs.

“So you would give up on finding Mother’s killer? Is that truly the path you wish to choose?” the genius’s shadow questioned knowingly.

“No! No. Definitely not. I just... don’t know. I have no idea where to go from here and it’s... scary. All I know how to do is search the net and that failed me already. With the Phantom Thieves, I could at least contact Akira because his number was in Sojiro’s phone. This time, I have no leads, no Plan B, nothing. I just... come up empty.” There. She laid her fears and worries all out for, well, herself to see. Even then, admitting that she was at a complete loss was difficult and slightly embarrassing. Futaba squatted and continued to stare at the black floor beneath her.

Shadow Futaba, perhaps moving for the first time since the dream began, kneeled and placed a hand on her true self’s shoulder. It might have been the fact that it was a dream, but the hand had a mysterious feeling of both warmth and cold. It was actually almost pleasant. After a moment, Futaba looked up. To her genuine shock, the young girl found her shadow version with a pure and comforting smile on her face.

“I have literally never seen you do that before. It is the weirdest thing,” Futaba stated. She had no idea how to react. The fact that the strangest part of this dream had been her own smile was not lost on her.

“Try it out in the mirror sometime. Mother and Sojiro used to say they love the way you smile,” there was a hint of smugness in the shadow’s tone. The shut-in had no real response she could think of. Her cheeks, however, had a modest blush covering them.

“But very well then,” the pharaoh continued. “If you’re unsure of the next step to take, let us look for a solution,” she rose back up, hand stretched out for her true self. The hacker took her other self’s hand and stood back up.

“What do you mean?” she asked curiously. 

“Just as we looked through your memories inside the Palace, we’ll do so once more in this dreamland. Once we are finished, I trust that you’ll have the answer you’re looking for,” Shadow Futaba stated with high levels of certainty.

“Uh, sure? Not like I got anything else to do in here,” Futaba answered. If looking through her memories worked before, there’s no reason to believe it wouldn’t work one more time. A few feet away from the duo, a giant screen appeared as if out of thin air.

“Sweet. At least my memories are going to be in 1080p,” the tech wizard stated sarcastically. The shadow gave the tiniest of chuckles and walked closer to the projection. The real self followed after speedily. They sat themselves down on the dark floor and got comfortable.

“Can I at least get some chips?” Futaba asked. If she was going to watch Flashback the Movie, having something to munch on would be preferable.

“It’s your dream. Do as you wish,” Shadow Futaba shrugged.

True enough. If she can hack into her own heart, hacking into a dream should be rather simple. Her imagination created a giant bag of chips in front of the pair. She eagerly opened the bag and started to dig in. Despite her earlier indifference, the pharaoh shadow stuck her arm in the plastic container as well. The screen in front of them flickered on and immediately, the first memory played like the newest film in theaters.

*********

“ _Thish shushi ish sho gooood!” Futaba spat out as she devoured another piece of sushi. For the eleven year-old who was far too accustomed to convenience store bento and yakisoba, the five-star restaurant sushi came as the ultimate salvation. Another piece plopped itself into her mouth before she had even finished the previous two pieces._

_“I’m happy you like it but please slow down. No one’s going to take your food,” a concerned Sojiro Sakura said. He could barely focus on his own meal as Futaba rapidly created a vomit hazard out of herself. The older gentleman’s eyes went past Futaba to the dark-haired woman next to her. “Wakaba, help me out here?”_

_“The combination of seaweed, omelette, mayonnaise, cheese, scallion, tuna and white rice is quite difficult to handle. It would have been far too easy for the sushi to be salty beyond recognition. How were they able to maintain the balance of flavor in spite of it all? The spices blend together perfectly and all of it works with each other to perform a divine explosion that begins as soon as it enters the mouth. There might even be a hint of sugar inside? I need to talk to the manager immediately…” With her chin resting on her fingers, Wakaba Isshiki’s montage of thought continued on. The genius researcher made mental notes of all the flavors she tasted with her single bite of sushi. She wished to consult with Sojiro as well since he was beginning to show an interest in cooking._

_Sojiro could only sigh. When she began to focus on a subject in that manner, Wakaba could vanish into her own head for hours. It was something he admired most of the time but support against Futaba’s table tyranny would have been appreciated at the moment._

_“Let’s let her eat,” Wakaba looked back at him with a knowing smile. “This IS a celebration dinner after all and I have no doubt she’s tired of all the store food.” While Wakaba’s schedule was always packed due to her cognitive research, celebrating Futaba’s graduation into middle school was something the mother refused to miss. The massive smile on her only daughter’s face was a confirmation that she wouldn’t ever regret this. Despite what she said just moments ago, even Wakaba felt the need to take action once she saw that her child’s cheeks were more stuffed than ever before._

_“Here you go. I’m positive you’re going to need it in about three... two...” she giggled as she handed Futaba a glass of water. As if right on cue, the young girl’s hand shot forth from the sushi platter to her mouth, doing its best to hold back an unspeakable evil. With willpower that could defeat a deity, she used her other hand to quickly grab the cup of water and chugged down the sushi demon that was moments away from being unleashed. With a sigh of relief, she rubbed her throat._

_“Sheesh, what’d I tell you?” Sojiro shook his head, a small chuckle escaping his lips._

_“Thanks, Mom! I was almost a goner!” Futaba sipped the water slowly now that the monster had been defeated._

_“Happy to help, dear. I’m glad you love the sushi but it’s alright to slow down a little. If Sojiro tries to take some of yours, let’s beat him up together,” Wakaba’s grin was wide as she patted her daughter’s head._

_“Hey!” Sojiro defended himself instantly. Futaba turned her head to face him, a look of resolute determination in her eyes._

_“You better not try it. You wouldn’t be able to survive our ultimate Mother-Daughter Kamehameha,” Fingers slightly bent, she placed her arm in front of Sojiro, posing for the super move the older man had never seen._

_“I concur. You would be decimated without a trace,” Wakaba imitated her daughter’s pose despite being in a similar position as Sojiro and not knowing the source material. Once more, the only response the bachelor could come up with was to sigh._

_“Mwehehe,” Futaba’s satisfied giggle left a feeling of warmth in the hearts of the two adults._

*********

“That sushi was still the best I’ve ever had,” Futaba commented as she reached into the bag for more chips. “I should ask Sojiro to bring some home when I wake up.”

“It has been quite a while, I wouldn’t mind having some myself,” the pharaoh nodded in agreement.

“But wait. What does this have to do with the guys who killed Mom? Was one of them in the background or something?” the hacker questioned. While the celebration dinner was a pure delight to look back on, she couldn’t see why her shadow made the decision to start with this particular memory.

“How did you feel during this moment?” Shadow Futaba answered the question with one of her own. She turned to face her true self and that gaze of curiosity returned.

“Like an RPG protagonist! Mom and Sojiro were my party members and they would always have my back. Mom’s research kept her busy but she still took the time out of her schedule to take me out and celebrate. Elementary school wasn’t the best time for me but I really, really believe that dinner made it all worth it. Also, the sushi,” Futaba said with a wistful smile. How she missed her mother.

“Keep that feeling close to you. We’ll move on to the next memory,” her shadow stated as she casually chewed on more of the chips. Despite all her previous stoicism, the shadow’s face mirrored the original with a smile just as longing.

“You could at least answer the question,” Futaba nagged, her curiosity getting the better of her.

“No. And before you start to get irritating, don’t ask me that again until we’re done,” Shadow Futaba said with a tone indicating that she had every intention to stay silent. With a disappointed grunt, the genius stuck her tongue out at her shadow self and turned her head to look at the screen once more.

*********

_“After your mother got back to me with this improved recipe, we knew it would be a perfect dinner for you,” Sojiro confidently stated. Futaba’s smile was ear-to-ear, her eyes more radiant than the old man had ever seen. She just took her first bite of Sojiro’s upgraded curry and it was clearly a success._

_“What do you think, Futaba?” Wakaba asked almost rhetorically. Her daughter’s expression was all the answer she needed. She began to tear into the curry like a shark near starvation. Out of all of Sojiro’s attempts to go on a date with the older researcher, his curry almost convinced her to say yes. It was a nearly-ideal balance of sweet and spicy, with flavor bursting in every bite. But that was it. Just nearly ideal._

_After the sushi dinner a few months ago, Wakaba took to the food lab known as the kitchen and experimented heavily with multiple spices and foods. While the always-occupied scientist rarely found the opportunity to cook for her daughter, she still wished to keep her skills up to par for when it was possible. After dozens and dozens of exploratory cooking attempts, she was led to a stage of mastery that even Japan’s top chefs would be astounded by. With this newfound expertise, she grabbed the recipe for Sojiro’s curry and spent hours upon hours refining it to its utmost. In the end, the taste was something the two adults could only describe as holy._

_That angelic flavor led them to the same idea. What would be a better chance for the curry to debut than Futaba’s birthday? Other than that celebratory sushi dinner and the random cooked meal here and there, the young teen’s diet never strayed far from the convenience store bento and yakisoba she was used to. While she knew her research had to be her priority, the minutes, hours and days spent away from her daughter weighed heavily on Wakaba’s conscience. Even as the guilt remained close to her thoughts, moments like this sparked hope in the mother’s heart._

_“I love love LOVE this! It’s like a supercharged Feather Arrow every time I bite!” Futaba exclaimed before she dug right back into the plate._

_“Tell ya what, kid? When your mother is too busy at work and I have some time, I’ll come over and whip you up a plate. How’s that sound?” Sojiro asked the overjoyed girl. She quickly turned her head to him and answered with an unknown noise that could be interpreted as high approval, then carried on her mission of devouring the plate. Both of the adults could not help the laughter in response._

_"Thank you, Sojiro," Wakaba faced her friend with a sincere smile._

_“What do you mean? I should be the one saying thanks. This recipe is the best way to get my restaurant started off. It’s the least I could do for you guys,” he responded with a grin of his own. Wakaba nodded in gratitude and placed a loving hand on Futaba’s shoulder._

_“Eat as much as you want, dear. We can open the rest of your gifts after you’ve finished.” For the young genius, this was maximum bliss. This was what family meant. If she had the ability to control time, she would have stopped it at this moment. Today was a memory she would never forget._

_“Mom, Sojiro. Thanks so much. I love you guys!” She shouted with all the joy within her heart and went back to the curry. The two older adults wore a smile as big and shining as the middle schooler’s._

_“Happy birthday, Futaba!” they shouted in unison._

*********

Silence floated throughout the dream room, as prevalent as the darkness. Nostalgia flowed inside both Futabas, leaving behind a smile of yearning on their faces.

“That was the last birthday Mom ever got to see...” the hacker broke the quiet, her voice slightly trembling. She hugged her legs closer to her body and placed her chin on her knees. The pharaoh looked upwards, the many glowing lights across the ceiling reflecting in her bright yellow eyes. The stillness in the room lasted for a few moments longer.

“That curry was delicious, wasn’t it?” Shadow Futaba spoke, gentleness in her echoed voice. While her head still faced upwards, her eyes flickered back and forth between her true self and the ceiling glow.

“Yeah. Mom’s research became even busier afterwards so Sojiro got to make it a ton. I would always ask for seconds and thirds. He complained pretty often but never actually said no,” a small giggle came out of her mouth. Evenings spent with only Sojiro and his curry passed through her mind. They served as an enjoyable break from the customary lonely nights. Mom wouldn’t come home until hours later but there was always an extra plate saved for her with a “Great job today” note written by Futaba. The younger teen even stayed awake sometimes to see if her mother would eat the food. Of course, she was always caught and hurriedly sent to bed but not before she was given a loving hug and head pat combo.

“It would be pleasant if we could eat some again,” the pharaoh shadow said quietly. “The taste was never quite the same after Mother passed away.” Futaba nodded in agreement.

“I... couldn’t taste the curry after that. Every time I tried, I was basically chewing cardboard. I would just see Mom’s face or hear her voice and...” she ended off with a deep breath. Shadow Futaba reached over and placed a hand on her real version’s shoulder.

“You might not remember everything that happens in this dream, but you can try to ask Sojiro for some after you awaken,” she stated with a small grin.

Futaba smiled back at her shadow and clapped her cheeks in determination. The curry might be a reminder of the worst times in her life but it was also a reminder of the best times of her life. Not to mention one of the most mouthwatering food experiences she has ever had. She longed to try some after almost two years of not eating any.

“Let us carry onward then,” the shadow faced the screen once more as it sprung back to life. With her arm diving back into the bag of chips, Futaba mirrored her shadow’s movements.

*********

_“Mom...!” Futaba pleaded with her mother. “I’m...I’m tired of eating dinner alone all the time. It’s always just convenience store bentos. I-it’s like you don’t even live here anymore!"_

_The daughter’s words held far more pressure than the pulling she was doing to Wakaba’s sleeveless turtleneck. The mother knew. This had been building up for quite a while. The late work nights. The overnight stays. The fridge filled to the brim with various bentos and yakisoba. Sojiro visiting and cooking occasionally was merely a stopgap. It was not a permanent solution. The kind gentleman may have been similar to a parent figure but he was NOT Futaba’s parent. She was. And all the hours spent focusing on her research meant all the hours spent neglecting her only child. Her head hung low as she slowly filled her lungs with air and clutched her various research books tight._

_“Mom, please!” Futaba continued with higher urgency, squeezing and tugging on her mother’s shirt with even more strength. “I wanna go somewhere. Ask your boss to go on break and take me on a trip! It would be so fun, just the two of us. Maybe even Sojiro too! Don’t you think?” The desperation in those words struck the researcher like a blow to the solar plexus. It took all of her strength not to fall on her knees and beg for her daughter’s forgiveness. She had to prepare herself for what was coming next. Wakaba knew that the words about to come from her mouth would shatter the both of them. She stared down, not at her child holding her shirt from behind, but at the books held between her palms. All of this hurt would be worth it once the research was complete._

_“I’m...I’m sorry, Futaba. I’m too busy right now. I need to finish my cognitive research as soon as possible. Please wait just a little longer.”_

_The young girl instantly released her grip on her mother’s shirt. Her head faced the floor, hands clenched firmly at her sides. Wakaba couldn’t see her daughter’s face, yet her soft sniffles were as loud as a jackhammer in the mother’s ear. Unbearable. Unending. The seconds that passed by felt more like hours. Days. Years. The scientist held her books closer to her body and shifted her weight from one foot to another. Futaba’s words. Her loneliness. It was suffocating. All Wakaba could ask for at the moment was the reprieve of her wine and her bed. She wanted to sleep, make Futaba breakfast in the morning and pretend none of this ever happened. It was fine. It was just another tantrum. It would be better in the mor-_

_“FINE! I get it! You don’t care! Your research is way more important than me! I’ll spend the rest of summer wasting away at home but it won’t matter to you! As long as your stupid research is finished, right?! Whatever!” The time bomb had finally ticked down to zero. Futaba’s tears were released and her cries resounded throughout the household. She fell to her knees, body visibly shaking. Her hands reached under her glasses, failing to stop the endless flow._

_Don’t care? Wakaba’s books dropped to the floor with a roaring bang as she turned around to face her daughter. Don’t care? The guilt, now at its peak, nearly overwhelmed the researcher right as another emotion welled up inside her heart. Don’t care? No. No no no no no. Hell no. She marched up to her one and only child._

_“How dare you. NEVER say that to me again. Do you know how hard I’ve worked?! How much effort I’ve put into maintaining this roof over your head?! How hard I’ve fought to make sure you get to eat and sleep?! No one, and I mean no one, gets to say I don’t care about you. Not even you. Do you understand me? You are the single most important part of my life and I...” Tears began to roll down Wakaba’s cheeks as she came to the realization of what’d she done. Why had she yelled so much? Why did she scream at her defenseless kid, who was already a crying mess?_

_Futaba’s solitude. Futaba’s anger. Futaba’s desire to be given love and affection. All of it was justified. She had every reason to be enraged with her mother. Every reason to throw her tantrum and demand more attention. Every reason to ask for her mom to be a better mom. It wasn’t fair. The young teenager could only cry louder, tears and snot pouring down in full force._

_But that statement. She didn’t care? Those words had caused the most painful experience Wakaba had ever felt in her life. As much as she’s been through for her daughter, no one was allowed to tell her she didn’t care. Yet no matter how she tried to defend herself, the onslaught of regret refused to stop, its weight crushing the mother beneath it. She had to fix her mistake. She had to make this right before this tiny family was torn apart._

_Wiping the droplets that persistently came from her eyes, Wakaba kneeled before Futaba and embraced her. Chin on top of shoulder, her arms wrapped around her daughter as tightly as possible. She felt Futaba’s body shaking. She felt Futaba’s tears fall onto her shoulder and slide down into her turtleneck. She felt the loneliness plaguing her daughter’s heart. She took one of her hands and brushed her fingers through her child’s hair. Tenderly. Softly. Time ceased to exist as the scientist continued to apply her treatment. No one could say how many minutes had passed before Futaba’s crying slowed._

_“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Futaba. I’m sorry I’ve left you alone for so long. I know it hurts. I know I haven’t been a good mother. I’m sorry. Please try to understand though. This research is... really important to a lot of people. I need to complete it, even if it costs me my life,” Wakaba’s teardrops did not stop as she went on._

_“But it’s almost over. I promise. As soon as I’m finished, we can go wherever you like. Before summer ends, we’ll take as many trips as we can. We’ll eat as many different foods as we can. And no matter what, we’ll be together as much as possible. Please, just give me a little more time. The only reason I can work so hard is because of you.” Wakaba’s own body started to shake as her tears intensified. Before long, Futaba’s arms found themselves wrapped around her mother. Time indiscriminately passed as the family of two held each other dearly. Letting go was not an option._

_“Y-you promise?” the daughter barely managed to form the question. The two’s breathing was in sync. Quivering, labored pockets of air struggling to come free._

_“I swear. I’ll even make my own promise list if you want me to,” the mother responded._

_“Mwehehe, we’ll start off with A-Akihabara. I’m super gonna hold you to it! You’ll get cursed if you’re lyiiing,” a sniffling Futaba slightly withheld from the embrace to look her mom in the eye, tears shining in both of their faces. She made a wiggly, ghost-like motion with her fingers._

_“I better do my best then. I wouldn’t want the ghosts to steal my coffee.” Wakaba rolled her red, puffy eyes as if it was a common event for the supernatural to take away her morning caffeine. Laughter filled the air as mother and daughter stood up hand-in-hand and headed to their bedrooms. For the first time in a long time, their slumbers were pure and peaceful. A smile remained on both of their faces long into the hours of the night._

*********

“Mom...” Futaba muttered as the screen shut down. The sigh that came from her lips was one of sheer regret.

“She truly did love you.” Shadow Futaba laid down on her back. One hand went behind her head while the other reached out to the bright lights, as if trying to touch the stars.

“Yeah. I know that for sure now,” the hacker said, resolution visible in every syllable. “But I feel bad I said all that to her. It was pretty messed up, looking back on it.” She joined her shadow and leaned backwards, eyes peering at the various stars glowing across the ceiling.

“I believe she never blamed you. It is understandable for a young and lonely child to vent out their frustrations in such a way. That is why she was so quick to apologize,” the pharaoh reasoned. Futaba had no grounds to doubt herself. Going by how hard her mom cried, the young teen knew that the guilt and love her mom felt during that moment must have been powerful. But that’s why she couldn’t help the remorse that was currently on her mind.

“I...I really miss her,” Futaba whispered. She blinked away the tears that were near release. No matter how much she wished for it, no matter how much she begged whatever gods were out there, Mom wasn’t coming back. She understood that. She accepted it. But that knowledge and acceptance did little to stop the agony in the adolescent’s heart.

“That’s why you’re going to live your life as happy and free as you can. And why we’re here in the first place. Isn’t that right?” Shadow Futaba sat up and looked at her other self. Her face showed a tiny smile, one that Futaba unknowingly reciprocated.

“Definitely. No matter what happens, I’ll live on and I’ll be happy doing it too. I won’t let myself be chained down by anyone or anything,” she stated, courage growing with every passing second. She sat up and faced the screen once more. She would take this pain and move forward. There was no other choice.

“Good. Do not let go of that resolve. We’ll be moving on,” the shadow stated. The tone was filled with approval, yet there was a sliver of caution behind it. Futaba knew that her shadow self was warning her and she immediately understood why as the screen flashed on. The memory she was about to see next was not going to be a pleasant one.

*********

_“Uh, heey?! Mom! Where are you going?! Why don’t you say anything?!” the worried teen sped towards her mother. In her strange, sleepwalking state, the older researcher had somehow gotten the front door open and stumbled towards the outside. Her breaths were incredibly shallow. Her skin appeared to be severely dehydrated, despite its complete healthiness only a few hours ago. Perhaps the most frightening of all, her eyes were open yet entirely out of focus. They weren’t looking at any one object, only staring off into nothing in a hollow trance. It was as if she was a mindless zombie, only able to move towards emptiness._

_Why was this even happening? It was supposed to be a regular summer morning. Futaba would wake up a little late after staying up past midnight. Mom would be at the table, her clothes ready for work and breakfast already cooked. They would eat and chat together. Futaba would wish her mother good luck as she either headed off to work or locked herself in her study for hours. Then the adolescent would go to her room, play some games or watch some anime._

_What happened to her normal day? Why was Mom doing this weird sleepwalking thing? This felt far too... abnormal for some reason. Maybe she was up late last night? Maybe she was too tired to do anything? She had pulled two overnight shifts back-to-back earlier in the week and also dealt with Futaba’s tantrum. All that exhaustion could have set in at this moment. The only thing Futaba knew was that when she had awoken just a moment ago, her mother was already near the front door in this unknown stupor._

_“Mom! Is it my fault?! Did I do something?! Please just stop and tell me,” she was begging at this point. A word. A sentence. A response. Any sort of confirmation that everything was okay. Anything at all. All she wanted was for Mom to talk to her. But her words had failed to reach their target. Her mother continued her dazed trek outside and Futaba ran faster. But as fast as her small legs could take her, it was not enough. The researcher was already down the tiny set of stairs that separated their house and the street._

_“Mom! Please!” Futaba made it to the front door. As her vision adjusted to the sunlight, time slowed to a near-halt. All sound ceased to enter her ears. She went down the first step. Tears threatening to break free. Sweat crawling down her forehead. Breath struggling to release itself. Her hand reaching out. Legs pumping with as much force as possible. Mom took one step onto the street. The black car inched ever closer from the left. Futaba skipped down the second, third and final steps in one leap. Lungs unknowingly roaring as loud as they could. Fingertips stretching to their limit. Tears pouring out. The black car was right there. Mom’s body was falling. At last, Futaba heard her mother’s voice._

_“F-Futaba... You are-”_

_“MOM, LOOK OUT!”_

_The world came to an end, as if it was all one long dream._

  
  


_~~Mom, I’m so sorry.~~ _

_“I should never have had Futaba.”_

_“She was always such a bother.”_

_“Why did she always get in the way of my work?”_

_“It seems you caused your mother a great deal of trouble, Futaba-chan.”_

_“She must have had some kind of maternity neurosis.”_

_“You even made her destroy all of her research, Futaba-chan.”_

_“She worked so hard on it as well...”_

_“She lost her mind, and it’s all because of you..."_

  
  


_~~I know it’s my fault. I know I was a terrible child.~~ _

_“I-I can’t believe she did this to Wakaba.”_

_“What a creepy child...”_

_“She was such a great person... I’ll never forgive that kid...”_

_“You’re a killer...”_

_“It’s all your fault!”_

_“What a selfish brat! How could you?!”_

_“Why don’t you say something?!”_

_“Fucking murderer. She should have died instead.”_

  
  


_~~I didn’t mean it. Please come back.~~ _

_“Get out of here. I tried. I really did. There’s no way I can keep a killer in my house. Leave, you goddamn-”_

_“No. I can’t do it anymore. You really think I’m going to keep spending MY money on my cousin’s murderer?! Get your ass out of here and never come back...”_

_“My kids have been uncomfortable ever since we took you in. I’m sorry, but it’d be best for everyone if you left. Find someone else who can handle you...”_

_“I’m Youji, your mother’s brother. Look, I’ll be straight with you. You’re only here to guarantee my way to that inheritance. I don’t like you. I don’t care about you. I don’t want you here. Looking at your face reminds me of her and it’s kind of annoying. As soon as the money is mine, you’re gone. Understand?”_

_“Huh?! Your back hurts and you want a bed? Listen, you little sack of shit. You’re lucky I even allow you to be here. You don’t have the right to ask me for anything. Go back to your room and don’t come out. I’m not afraid to hit a brat that doesn’t follow the rules.”_

  
  


_~~Don’t leave me. I promise I’ll be good.~~ _

_“F-Futaba! Oh my god, what happened to you?! Y-you’re so light. Th-these bruises. And your eyes... When the hell was the last time you had any food?! Goddamnit, there isn’t even a bed in this room! I swear I’m getting you out of here right away. I-I’m so sorry. It’s going to be alright now...”_

  
  


_~~I’ll fix myself. I’ll do anything you want. Please just stay with me.~~ _

_“It’s not much but make yourself at home. Don’t even worry about unpacking your things. Just sit tight and I’ll cook something for you real quick.”_

_“Hey, kiddo. I left dinner by your door. You don’t have to come out now. Just make sure you eat, okay?”_

_“I-I uh... I just slipped a cellphone under the door. Don’t worry, I’m not trying to force you to come out or talk. But if you ever need something, my number is in there.”_

_“Hey, Futaba. I know you’re awake. I’m not going to ask you for anything. Just listen to me for a bit, alright? I...I can’t even begin to imagine what you went through. I don’t blame you for not speaking to me or trusting me. Hell, I don’t blame you for not trusting anyone. But just know this. I won’t ever hurt you. I won’t force you to do anything you don’t want to. If you want to stay in this room all day, that’s fine by me. I just... want you to know you’re safe here. I’ll protect you, no matter what happens.”_

  
  


_~~Would dying make you happy?~~ _

_“S-S-Sojiro?” When was the last time anything came out of her mouth other than a cry? When was the last time she had spoken to another person? The last time she had used words? She had no idea, but talking to Sojiro even over the phone was... scary... Frightening. Terrifying. And yet... somewhat nice. Almost like a major hurdle had just been stepped over._

_“Futaba?! Y-you’re talking to me?” Despite the distance between them, Futaba could feel the older man’s genuine shock._

_“Y-yeah. I’m... sorry I worried you,” she muttered._

_“No! No. It’s alright. I’m so happy you want to talk. How are you doing?” Sojiro was cautious with every syllable. The young girl could tell he didn’t want to frighten her back into silence. She thought for a while before giving her answer. It was strange. What was that word? The past few months had made her forget. The word for when people were nice to you. No insults. No spitting. No rage. What was it?_

_“I’m okay. I’m sorry to bother you so suddenly but there’s some stuff I was hoping you could get for me.” There was a minuscule sense of guilt in immediately asking him to spend money on her right as she started to talk, but she did her best to brush it aside._

_“Don’t worry about it. What do you need? I’ll close shop early and see if I can look around,” he responded. He meant it. He truly meant what he said. As much as she searched for it, she couldn’t find any malice in his voice. Seriously, what was that word? It continued to elude her._

_“There are some snacks I want you to get and...” she took a deep breath. After a second longer in thought, it finally came back to her. That’s right. It was kindness._

_“I want you to get me a computer.”_

_~~If dying is going to bring you back, I’ll gladly kill myself. I’ll make this place my tomb. Just stay by my side, Mom.~~ _

*********

Futaba’s tears fell down slowly, splattering the floor with a near-silent plop. She breathed in slowly, trying her best to regain control of herself. Yet the task proved itself more difficult than she could handle and small weeping shortly followed. Her head laid on top of her knees and her arms wrapped around her legs. Her fists were clenched tight, fingernails digging into her palms with enough force to draw blood. That is, until a soft hand placed itself on one of those fists. Futaba looked to the side to see her shadow. Compassionate, bright, golden eyes, with tears as prominent as her own, stared right back at her.

“I...I will _never_ forgive them,” once more, the hacker promised herself through the sobs.

The shadow nodded. Nothing else needed to be said. The screen flared back to life and the next memory played itself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading, everyone! It's been a while since I posted anything here. I should at least update what happened with the last fic I was writing ([Her Second Life](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15387651)). I got wrecked by really bad timing. I went through a huge writers block and depressive episode, then by the time I was ready to write again, P5R got announced. Because that fic is supposed to be a post-canon narrative, I didn't really feel like continuing it until I finished P5R so I could see what changed about the game and its ending. After that, I was just kinda stuck waiting. I did do some short stories during the time and I'll probably upload them at some point. Her Second Life kept getting kudos throughout the months though so I really appreciate that <3
> 
> Enough about the past though~ I'm in the middle of my P5R playthrough right now and absolutely loving it. I missed these characters and this world so much lmao. Going through Futaba's palace again and listening to The Days When My Mother Was There left me crying for hours. I honestly wasn't planning on writing or uploading anything until I beat the game but then I saw [this text conversation in-game.](https://i.imgur.com/qFQNF33.jpg) If Futaba was dreaming about her memories during all that time she spent sleeping, how would she go about it? How would she try to piece her past together and figure out what she wants to do next? That gave me so many things to write about that I just had to do it. I only expected this to be 1 chapter with 6000-7000 words but then the ideas just kept coming and now here we are haha.
> 
> There's more I want to say but I think I'll save the rest for the 2nd chapter end notes. Speaking of which, the 2nd chapter is just about finished! I wanna look over it and check for any errors or things I could write better but after that, it'll be uploaded ASAP. It should definitely be done in under a week so please look forward to it! While this 1st part was heavily focused on Sojiro, Wakaba and the relationship between mother and daughter, the next part will take a look at Akira and Futaba's initial feelings on him. I hope you'll like it~
> 
> Again, thank you so much for reading! If you have any questions, comments or feedback, leave them below or hit me up on Twitter [@DawnofScrubs](https://twitter.com/DawnofScrubs)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's okay to believe in yourself. And maybe in the guy who moved into an attic three minutes away from you. Just a little though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW for depression and suicidal ideation.
> 
> The asterisks (*****) indicate a change in time, location or both.
> 
> I'll save everything else I want to say for the end notes. Please enjoy~

“Ah, you’re up. Must be nice to sleep in all morning, huh?” Sojiro responded, sarcasm dripping in his voice. The older man closed his crossword puzzle and looked at the boy living in his restaurant attic. He was in his summer outfit and ready to venture into the blistering heat. An unbuttoned, white, collared shirt with a black t-shirt underneath, a brown bag similar to the black one used for school and long, navy-blue jeans. Sojiro could also notice the cat’s head popping out of his bag. The coffee specialist understood long ago that the kid and his cat were inseparable.

“Good afternoon, Boss,” Akira Kurusu yawned at his guardian. The sun was high in the sky, its rays floating down towards the modest Cafe LeBlanc. He pushed his glasses up and adjusted the strap on his bag. While he was mostly accustomed to Morgana’s additional weight, it was still the leading cause of the pain in his shoulder.

“You want a cup before you head out? It’ll give you a small boost,” Sojiro questioned. While he tried to be simple and casual about it, Akira could detect the tiny concern in his voice. Over the past few months, the bond between caretaker and transfer student had gotten much stronger than either of them would admit to the other.

“Thanks. I’d appreciate it,” he accepted with a smile. Contrary to the gentleman’s belief, Akira’s yawning was due to a lack of sleep. He had woken up early in the morning, rustled back-and-forth and failed multiple attempts to go back to bed. Eventually, he had given up and played a game on his retro console before coming downstairs. In the days since Futaba’s slumber began, the central emotion on the Phantom Thief’s mind was worry. Spending time with his various acquaintances and assisting people in Mementos were enjoyable distractions, but they were only temporary before his thoughts directed him back to his primary focus. A pleasant scent wafted into his nose as a fresh cup of coffee was placed in front of him.

“So... How’s Futaba doing?” the young adult attempted to be as nonchalant as possible as he picked up the mug. He knew by Sojiro’s raised eyebrow, though, that at least a fraction of his anxiousness had seeped through.

“She’s still resting. I told you before, this happens every few months when she runs out of energy. She’ll be back to her usual self in a few more days. No need to be worried,” Akira understood that Sojiro did his best to reassure him and was genuinely grateful. But he also understood that this particular instance was a little different than all the other times Futaba had fallen asleep to recharge. As he took a sip of the coffee, his mind wandered backwards.

Kamoshida, Madarame and Kaneshiro were all absolute scum. If the process of changing their hearts went amiss in any way, Akira knew that the remorseful feelings he’d have would fade away with enough time. Futaba wasn’t like that at all though. She was an innocent person whose life was destroyed by the evils of society. Just like him. Just like his fellow Phantom Thieves. In spite of everything that happened to her though, she still yearned to set herself free. To do that, she came to him and his team for help. As shut off as her heart was. As untrusting as she was of everyone. From his perspective, that act solidified her status as one of the bravest people he had ever known.

But that’s precisely why his level of concern was so tremendous. If the change of heart failed and she never came back from that coma-like state, he knew he would never forgive himself. His worries were only amplified by how unique Futaba’s Palace situation was. Not only did she enter her own Palace, but she was also her own Treasure. In addition to that, she awakened to her Persona inside of her Palace. There were too many unique circumstances and all the leader could do was sit and wait. Medjed’s deadline on exposing the Phantom Thieves was coming up as well but in truth, it hardly mattered to the leader. Most importantly, Akira just wanted to make sure she was okay.

“Oh right,” Sojiro went on. “She did say something when I was checking up on her last night. I could barely hear it but she said something like ‘Alibaba won’t lose!’ Wonder what what was about. Maybe she was having a good dream?” he surmised with a grin on his face, trying once more to relax his adoptee. The smile on Akira’s face appeared instantly, as if it was teleported there. 

“Can we visit her? It would just be for a second,” his mouth had said the words before his brain had fully given them thought. Morgana popped out of the bag and stared at his friend as if he lost his mind. The confusion on Sojiro’s face was as transparent as his glasses. The leader’s own eyes went wide as he realized what he just asked. There was literally no benefit he could think of by visiting her. Why did he ask when the answer would be obvious?

“No. What she needs right now is rest. Why are you so worried?” The cafe owner’s curiosity had peaked. Akira set his coffee mug back on the table and inhaled a long breath. This was a moment where he had to choose his words carefully.

“Yeah. I know you’re concerned about Medjed but there’s still a bit of time. You really don’t have to do this,” Morgana stated. The teenager focused his mind, ignoring what his cat friend said.

“It’s just... From what you’ve told me, she seems like someone with a good heart. And she’s obviously really important to you,” he started. “I’ve never seen anyone fall asleep for that long before so it’s a little worrisome. I understand if you say no, but I promise I just want to see how she’s doing. I think I’ll feel more... relaxed if I see her myself.” He did his best to look Sojiro in the eye and show the concerned parent his sincerity. None of what he said was a lie but that only served in making it all the more awkward. Sojiro’s eyes locked onto Akira’s for what felt like eternity. With a sigh, he let it go. That was probably the longest he had ever heard his adoptee talk in one moment.

“...I seriously don’t get you sometimes, but alright. I haven’t checked on her since before I opened the shop, so now’s a good time,” Sojiro reluctantly agreed, removing his dark apron and taking out the keys from his pocket. “Flip the door sign to closed on the way out. We’ll look at her condition for a bit and see if anything’s changed. After that, we come back here and you’ll spend the rest of the day helping me out,” he said, the tone in his voice stating that the terms were non-negotiable. Akira nodded in acknowledgement. He was going to have to text the Thieves group and tell them that he couldn’t make it to billiards today.

“Thanks, Boss. I appreciate it,” the genuine smile on the youngster’s face slightly placated Sojiro. He could only sigh as his thoughts returned to the past. By no means did he see this happening four months ago when he first took this kid in. He figured he could make fast money by throwing some delinquent brat in his restaurant attic and making sure he wasn’t a bother to his daily life. Or maybe some small part of him had hoped for this odd level of trust that was growing between them.

“Reminds me of my younger self, huh...” the older man whispered to himself, repeating the answer he had given one of Akira’s friends when asked why he took the teenager in.

“Hm?” Akira asked, his ears not fully picking up on the words in the air. Sojiro shook his head and waved the younger man off in the direction of the door. Akira smiled once more and nodded before getting up. The pair walked towards the door and the familiar sounds of the bell went off as it was opened and closed. Morgana stayed behind, casually sipping on the coffee his friend was just drinking.

*********

_“So, you’re Akira?” the restaurant owner looked over the younger student, eyes going up and down as they analyzed him. There was an air of indifference in Sojiro’s tone. Seemed as if he wanted to get back to doing his crosswords immediately. Today’s business was as slow as usual and the challenging puzzles assisted with the passage of time until a customer came in._

_“Are you Sakura-san?” the long-legged teenager reciprocated with a question of his own. His voice was quiet and unassuming. He slightly leaned on one leg, one hand in his pocket and the other being used to twirl one of the many curls in his hair._

_“Yeah. I’m Sojiro Sakura. You’ll be in my custody over the next year. I was wondering what kind of unruly kid would show up, but you’re the one, huh?” The older gentleman had a small smile on his face as he continued. “Have you been told? A customer of mine and your parents know each other and- Well, not that it matters. Follow me.” He led the silent adolescent upstairs into his new home._

_“This guy has suspicious written all over him,” Futaba thought to herself. She switched camera views, from the LeBlanc lobby to the attic on the second floor. Unkempt, shaggy black hair. Huge glasses. Incredibly sharp eyes. A tall, menacing figure. Whoever this Akira Kurusu was, she didn’t trust him with a ten-foot pole. Truth be told, she actually found him a slight bit attractive. That fact only increased her wariness though. It was always the pretty ones after all. She peered closer into her monitor screen, hoping the cameras she hid in LeBlanc could reveal anything dangerous he might have on him._ ~~_You’re the most dangerous person here, you killer._ ~~

_“Tch. Nothing so far,” she leaned back into her chair in disappointment. Why did Sojiro bother to take him in? When he first mentioned it to her, it was so out-of-nowhere that her brain failed to formulate a response. The young hacker was assured by her guardian that the transfer student wouldn’t even know she exists. Sojiro had every intention to keep them as far away from each other as possible. This delinquent kid was going to be living in the cafe attic and would have no reason to go anywhere near the house._

_However, Futaba’s worries were far more concerned with Sojiro’s safety than her own. What if this guy stole something from LeBlanc? What if he threatened the coffee expert at gunpoint?_ ~~_What if Sojiro replaced you with him and threw you away like everyone else did?_ ~~ _She was never given the exact details but apparently he was arrested for assault and put on probation. Someone like that needed to be watched. Her ability to protect Sojiro from within her room was obviously limited but she had to try nonetheless._

 _After all, he waited for her with more patience than she thought possible from anyone. He stood by her door through the silence for weeks. He gave her food. He gave her a roof. He gave her kindness. He gave her the tiniest ray of hope._ ~~_You deserve none of it._ ~~ _Even if she couldn’t protect herself,_ ~~_even if you are a cold-blooded murderer,_ ~~ _she had to at least attempt to pay him back._

 _That’s why her cameras were fully set up, both in their home and in LeBlanc. There were two in the LeBlanc lobby that have been there for months. Futaba expertly hid one in a fridge magnet, then gave it to Sojiro as a good luck charm to hang on the restaurant’s own appliance. The other was again disguised, this time in a cute sticker that hung on a wall right beside one of the chairs. With these two babies and the wiretapped public phone, it was possible to get a full video and audio scope of the entire first floor. If anything went awry, she had a button set up to automatically call the police from LeBlanc’s location. She was prepared for any possibility. And honestly, watching people relax while they drank their coffee was a somewhat calming way to pass the time._ ~~_A good way to distract yourself from your guilt._ ~~

_Once she heard that this Kurusu guy was moving in, Futaba understood the necessity to ready herself in advance. She asked Sojiro to put one of the huge household plants in the restaurant attic, using an excuse along the lines of “The new guy might like oxygen.” Unknown to the older man, a third camera setup was concealed deep within the leaves, ready to watch this delinquent like a hawk. She would become his guardian devil. One wrong step, one bad move and he was out of here before the newest episode of Neo Featherman._

_“...In other words, they got rid of you for being a pain in the ass...” the hacker heard her foster father say to the young boy._ ~~_Just like what happened to you. Just like what you deserved._ ~~ _Futaba grabbed the juice packet next to her screen and took a long sip. She wasn’t quite sure how long she intended to watch him. At minimum, it had to be a few days. In an ideal world, this random kid turned out to be a quiet, peaceful person and she could stop sooner than expected._

 _“Oh god. I gotta remember to turn the camera off when he’s changing,” the erratic thought just popped in her mind as if magic. A small blush forming, she shook her head of any images related to abs and regained her focus. If this stranger had no evil intentions, she would leave him alone. If there was something malicious in his mind, she would find out soon enough and kick his ass to the curb. She needed to give her utmost in keeping her foster father safe. Sojiro protected her for so long and she needed to repay that debt. She needed to become his protector. No matter what._ ~~_He doesn’t need your protection. He doesn’t need you. No one does. That’s why you’re going to die here._ ~~

*********

“You sincerely did not like him,” Shadow Futaba somewhat chuckled as the screen fizzled back off.

“I mean, did you expect me to? He just drops in outta nowhere with his spooky eyes and his extra tall serving size, along with a criminal record of all things?!” Futaba exclaimed. “And he was moving into Sojiro’s place of income? If he stole LeBlanc’s money, how was I going to get my snacks?” She defended herself vigorously. Even as the words were coming out, she could not help the tiny remorse she felt at her first impression of Akira.

“True enough. It seems that his hometown lost faith in him and then he came to Tokyo, where he continued to be trusted by no one. Getting branded like that would easily ruin one’s reputation,” the pharaoh said. She stood up slowly and lifted her arms, stretching as much as her bandaged body would allow. The shadow’s eyes wandered downward to her real world self, still sitting on the floor comfortably.

“Yeah. He and I are kinda similar now that I think about it,” Futaba mused, her imagination creating a second bag of chips after her and her double emptied the first. Accused of a crime they didn’t commit. Hated and considered untrustworthy by everyone around them. Abandoned by people that should have cared for them. The smaller comparisons also flashed through her mind, like both of them being under Sojiro’s care, wearing glasses, enjoying anime and retro games. After watching him through her computer screen for the better part of four months, Futaba came to the realization that she knew a lot more about Akira Kurusu than she would have thought. Though with their height difference, they may as well have been David and Goliath. He also talked to his cat waaay too much. It felt slightly unhealthy.

“Maybe that’s why you feel you can relax around him,” the Egyptian queen responded, a tone of curiosity present in her voice. Her eyes widening just a little, Futaba stood back up at terabyte speeds and gazed at her royal counterpart.

“Wait, what?” The confusion in the hacker’s voice was as apparent as the bright shine on the pharaoh’s jewelry. What exactly did she mean? Futaba hadn’t felt a sense of safety or comfort around anyone not named Sojiro Sakura in the past two years. That was the whole point of closing herself off to the world and trapping herself in her room. Shadow Futaba ignored her regular version’s questioning stare and sat back down. She stretched her arm to the side and patted the area next to her, beckoning the other Futaba to follow her movement and sit with her.

“We should continue. There isn’t too much time left before your body awakens,” she casually stated. The young hacker crossed her arms in response.

“You can’t just be all cryptic with me! What the heck are you talking about? Also, this still doesn’t relate to how I can find Mom’s killer,” she told her shadow self defiantly.

“Nope. Sit down.” The pharaoh shut her down immediately. The tone in her voice explicitly said that she would not engage the conversation any further. With a sigh of sheer exasperation, Futaba took a seat next to her shadow once more. The screen’s brightness returned in front of the pair and the following memory appeared.

*********

_What am I even doing here?_ Akira thought to himself. Despite all the gung-ho he displayed in convincing Sojiro to let him come, he was at a loss as to what to do now. The adolescent simply stood in silence as his guardian knelt over the sleeping Futaba, checking the pulse on her wrist with two fingers. He was never able to get a decent look around before but as his eyes moved left and right, he realized how much of a cluster her room was.

Various newspapers were strewn about the floor, stacks of books on top of them. Flat cardboard boxes helped in decorating the area. Even more of the newspapers were taped to the closet door and the walls. Joining them were posters of different anime and games, some of which Akira recognized. A set of drawers next to her bed held up even more books and cardboard, as well as multiple garbage bags. Four monitors were placed next to each other above and Akira couldn’t help but wonder how much they cost. He didn’t even bother to imagine the price range of the computer setup at the front.

 _It’d be nice if I could help clean this up._ His inner neatfreak surfaced as the survey of the room was complete. However, Sojiro had already warned him not to touch anything in the room on the way over. Apparently, Futaba was incredibly particular about the things in her place of comfort. The youth finally turned his eyes over to the room’s owner herself. Eyes shut. Breathing relaxed. Arms calm at her sides. It was hard to believe the person resting right now was the same one who shouted at the world she was going to live exactly one week ago. The expression on her face was... curious. There wasn’t a sign of stress yet peaceful did not seem like the accurate word to use. It was as if she was lost in thought, putting forth her mental willpower into solving the world’s most difficult problem. Akira continued to be quiet as he stared at the sleeping girl’s expression, her stillness giving him a vague sense of rela-

 _BZZZZT!_ _BZZZZT!_ A frown quickly made its way to the boy's face as his concentration was shut down, his phone vibrating heavily in his pocket. He unlocked his screen and saw that a message from his fellow Thieves had arrived.

_Group Chat: We’re Taking Society by Storm!_ _Online: 5_

_Offline: 0_

_12:07 PM, 08/14/2016 - 1 New Message_

**_Makoto:_ ** How is Futaba?

 **_Akira:_ ** Still resting. I’m worried about her.

 **_Ryuji:_ ** Dude! This ain’t just some normal oversleeping stuff! Our deadline’s coming up in a week!

 **_Ryuji:_ **If Futaba’s not up by then...

 **_Ann:_ **But can she really do anything even if she does wake up...?

 **_Makoto:_ **Honestly, I’m not sure.

 **_Makoto:_ **Either way, our only option is to put our trust in her.

 **_Akira:_ **Let’s trust her.

 **_Ann:_ **Yeah...

 **_Ann:_ ** If she’s been asleep all this time, do you think she’s having some kind of long dream?

 **_Yusuke:_ ** Hm, dreams are said to be the sorting of memories, after all.

 **_Yusuke:_ ** She surely needs ample time to face her troubled past.

 **_Ryuji:_ ** Her past? You really think she’s facing all that shit right now...?

 **_Makoto:_ ** If that is the case... she would probably need a great amount more time to do so.

 **_Makoto:_ ** But considering how she had us wrapped around her finger...

 **_Makoto:_ **I feel as though she’ll be able to pull this off.

Akira closed his eyes as he gave thought to his next reply. He remembered Futaba’s first message to him as Alibaba. He remembered meeting with Shadow Futaba for the first time. He remembered Futaba bursting out of her closet, yelling at the Phantom Thieves to take her heart right then and there (even though that’s not how the process worked at all). He remembered Futaba standing up for herself and screaming with all her heart “I’ll never forgive them.” He remembered Futaba shielding the Phantom Thieves from her cognitive mother’s attacks, then summoning a ballista for them to use. He remembered what happened at the end of the battle. The leader of the Phantom Thieves failed to notice the massive smile he wore as his thumbs touched the phone screen.

**_Akira:_ ** Definitely. I believe in her strength.

 **_Makoto:_ **Yes.

 **_Yusuke:_ ** Indeed.

 **_Ryuji:_ ** Well, just give us a ring if anything changes!

 **_Ann:_ **We’re counting on you!

 **_Akira:_ ** Will do. Talk to you guys later.

 **_Ryuji:_ ** We’re still on for billiards later, right?

 **_Akira:_ ** Yeah... You guys have fun without me.

With that, Akira slid his phone back into his pocket. He breathed in deeply and exhaled, the air in his lungs being released along with all his anxiety. Makoto stated it perfectly. All he had to do was trust in her. Sojiro’s checkup was seemingly completed as well. The older man stood up, wiping the dust off his knees in a natural manner. He turned towards his coffee apprentice and a small grin appeared on his face.

“She’s doing well. Her temperature is normal, her pulse is fine and her breathing seems to have improved a little. I’m sure she’ll be up in just a few days,” he remarked with confidence. “So? Are you satisfied now?”

“Yeah. Thanks, Boss,” Akira confirmed, pure gratitude flowing throughout his entire being. Sojiro nodded and walked past the younger man towards the door, signaling that it was time to leave.

“Turn off the light and close the door on your way out. You’re gonna be working hard today,” the restaurant owner declared with a smug tone as he exited his adopted daughter’s room.

Akira gave an approving grunt in reply and headed over to the door. As he flipped the light switch to OFF, he paused one more time and looked back. _All I have to do is trust her,_ he thought once more as his eyes went over to the sleeping hacker once more.

“Sleep well,” he whispered. As he was about to exit the room, the faintest sound of a voice reached his ears.

“Mmm... Just don’t worry... about it... Leave it all... to me...”

Akira Kurusu’s smile never left his face as he closed the door behind him.

*********

_“To think the reward for the Phantom Thieves is feeling they ‘totes busted’ the case...” the brown-haired student proclaimed with a giggle. The rest of the group followed her lead, laughter soon filling the room. The shiny gold suitcase sat in the center, a reminder to them of their great victory. Even if the stacks of cash inside were fake._

_“Oh well. No point mullin’ over it now. Let’s wait and see how Kaneshiro’s change of heart goes first,” the blonde boy with the red shirt reasoned. Everyone nodded in agreement._

_“Great work, guys,” Akira Kurusu said, the appreciation visible in his smile and his voice._

_“He...He really is a Phantom Thief,” Futaba’s words were barely above a whisper. She lifted her arms up in celebration, bouncing up and down and nearly jumping from her chair. Her eyes were wide open, sheer disbelief staring at the computer screen. At the delinquent Sojiro had taken in. He was the leader of the Phantom Thieves of Hearts. Unknown vigilantes who hunted down vile, corrupt members of society, changed their amoral feelings and stole their hearts. The target would then confess all of their crimes, unable to handle their newfound guilt. Even though they were a popular topic of discussion among the residents of Japan, both offline and in various forums, a high portion of that discussion was negative._

_Currently, they were only a myth in the eyes of society. That abusive volleyball coach and that famous plagiarizing artist were both exposed and ruined. Smaller criminals were also given a change of heart, like an old woman that kidnapped and abused cats. No matter where the Phantom Thieves went, they left behind a trail of calling cards. But it was nowhere near enough. Most of society did not believe in their existence and the people that did thought they should be labeled as criminals. Despite the variety of feelings on them, everyone was curious about one thing. If the Phantom Thieves were real, who were they?_

_And as it turned out, they were a bunch of high school students hanging out three minutes from Futaba’s house. The hacker was one of the many non-believers at the beginning. A secret band of heroes going around and helping out the oppressed sounded exactly like a manga she had been reading recently. Nothing but fiction and hopes. As time continued though, a thought slowly crept its way into the shut-in’s mind._

_If they really existed... couldn’t they cure her heart? Couldn’t they help her get out of this never-ending labyrinth? Unbeknownst even to Futaba herself, the tiniest seed of hope started to shine within her. As their name became larger, as their deeds were talked about more online, so too did the bud swell. And now, as she stared at her monitor and listened to the boy her guardian adopted talk about their next move, that seed grew at a rapid rate. They were tangible. They were real. They were right next to her. They...they could save her._

~~_No, they can’t. No one can save you._ ~~

_Stop it._

~~_You don’t deserve to be saved._ ~~

_Leave me alone._

~~_This time, you’re the one that’s going to die. Right here in this tomb._ ~~

_Please._

~~_YOU KILLED ME, FUTABA!_ ~~

~~_Fucking murderer!_ ~~

~~_How could you?!_ ~~

~~_Why don’t you say something?!_ ~~

~~_Disgusting brat._ ~~

~~_She should have died instead._ ~~

~~_Aren’t you tired? Let’s just put an end to every-_ ~~

_STOP! JUST STOP ALREADY! PLEASE!_

_She jammed her palms into the sides of her headphones, squeezing with every ounce of her strength. Unbearable. Unending. The onslaught of voices rained on for an indescribable amount of time. In front of her. Behind her. Above and below her. They struck at her from every direction. Futaba’s only form of defense was to hide in a ball and cover her ears. Teardrops falling down. Shivers wracking her body. Whimpering, praying, begging for anyone to save her from this hell. Hell... ~~Maybe that's where you belong. Maybe that's the only place that would still accept a murderer like yo-~~_

_... ... ... ... ..._

_The voices slowly started to die down. All of the enraged people, even her mother with those hate-filled eyes, soon faded into the darkness of Futaba’s room. As the assault came to an end, her breaths were ragged and heavy. She couldn’t take this anymore. She had to get out. She slowly lifted her head and blinked through the tears, looking towards her monitor once again._

_Inside her computer screen were the Phantom Thieves. Her only form of an exit. Her only form of salvation. She had to get in contact with them. It should be simple. Akira’s number should be in Sojiro’s phone, which she hacked months ago. All she had to do was send him a message. Please cure my heart. Please save me. But in spite of her desperation, she understood it wasn’t going to be that straightforward. She wiped the water from her eyes and attempted to settle her breathing. In. Out. In. Out. She needed to make preparations. This had to go off perfectly. There was no other option._

_After days of making arrangements, there was only one more step to complete. It was going to be fine. She had everything set up and ready to go. The genius couldn’t be certain that the Phantom Thieves were people with genuinely good intentions. Simply asking them wasn’t the correct move. She had to negotiate from a higher position of power. After hacking Akira’s phone and scanning his messages, she knew that the group was struggling against Medjed, a group of hackers threatening Japan’s safety unless the Thieves expose themselves. Futaba nodded to herself. It would take some time but she knew she could handle Medjed without much difficulty. She was the original owner of the name after all. Worse comes to worst, she could force the group to steal her heart with a statement that she would expose them all herself if they didn’t agree._

_The server she created to make contact was absolutely anonymous. With a code set to constantly change location every five seconds, it would take a mastermind supercomputer to trace any message she sent back to her. On top of that, she could disconnect it at any moment should she decide that she couldn’t handle any further conversation. While she wasn’t quite sure how the Phantom Thieves stole hearts, all evidence pointed to the fact that a calling card was necessary. A letter addressed to Akira was already in the house mailbox, ready for Sojiro to take with him to LeBlanc._

_Futaba closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Everything was ready. It was alright. It was going to be okay. After she presented her terms, she would give them some time to think. Akira would understand that accepting her deal was the best option for them. They would save her. They would steal her heart, steal her guilt and steal the voices away. Then she would be free. Then she would be able to move on. That’s all. It was just a few simple steps._

~~_No one is going to save you. You’re going to die here. You deserve to die here. You killed me, you ungrateful little-_ ~~

_Futaba’s hand was shaky as it grasped the computer mouse. She steadily slid it across her mousepad, hovering the cursor over to the Messaging tab of her screen. Exerting just the smallest bit of force, she clicked on the left mouse button. Akira Kurusu’s name stared back at her in bright green characters. One more deep breath. Her hands inched towards the keyboard. Two more deep breaths. Three more deep breaths. Her hands floated directly above her keyboard. It was going to be okay. He was going to save her. Slamming her fingers into the square buttons, Futaba talked to someone that wasn’t Sojiro Sakura for the first time in almost two years._

**_Alibaba:_ ** _Nice to meet you._

 **_Alibaba:_ ** _I am the one they call Alibaba._

 **_Alibaba:_ ** _I want to ask you something._

*********

“That was incredibly brave of you,” Shadow Futaba said in approval. “Reaching out for assistance, especially with the mental state you were in. It must have taken quite a lot of courage.”

“Not really...” Futaba sighed. “I was looking for anything that could help. I needed a way out and Sojiro just happened to adopt one. That was more EX-rank luck than anything.” She curled her toes and looked upwards at the green lights. What bravery? That was pure desperation and nothing else.

“Give yourself some credit,” the pharaoh argued, a surprisingly defensive tone coming from the normally stoic girl as she leaned closer to her real self. “You were trapped in your own despair. You had no faith in the world, nothing or no one to trust. You hadn’t spoken to anyone besides Sojiro for months. Despite the weight of it all forcing you down, you reached out. You understood that you couldn’t escape on your own. You stuck your hand out to the Phantom Thieves and asked them for help. I believe that is an act of fortitude that deserves praise.”

“But I don’t feel brave about it. I just... wanted help. It was honestly more embarrassing than any- _OW!_ What the hell?!” Futaba reeled back from the blow her shadow had dealt to her forehead with her index finger.

“You already understand what I’m trying to tell you! Have some confidence in your-”

“Whoa whoa, hold up! Why is your hand like that? And your body too?!” The hacker interrupted her shadow’s exasperated speech in shock. The pharaoh’s hand, along with the rest of her, seemed to be slightly transparent. Futaba could actually see through her to the lights behind. She always had a sort of ghostly demeanor but this only enhanced it tenfold. The glowing lights around the duo were steadily blinking out as well. It was getting harder to see.

“Oh. It seems time is running short. You’ll be waking up soon. Let us watch the final memory,” Shadow Futaba’s calm appearance returned at mach speed as if she didn’t just hit her other self just a moment ago. She faced the screen once more. 

“Uh, what!? You can’t just end the dream here! You haven’t explained how any of this will help us find Mom’s killer,” Futaba declared in urgency. Her counterpart smiled in response.

“You do remember that I’m you, correct? I know you’ve begun to figure it out already,” the Egyptian queen answered with a satisfied tone. “Trust in yourself. It will all become clear after this.”

Futaba groaned as the giant screen turned on once again. She’s figuring it out already? What exactly was she figuring out? How did these memories assist her in knowing what the next step was? How did they help her find out who murdered Mom? She focused on the screen in front of her. If the answer was coming after this, then it was about time.

“Wait a minute...” Futaba muttered as the screen became clearer. The recognition struck her instantly. “Seriously?! This literally just happened!”

*********

_“Futaba! Futaba, Futaba, Futabaaaaaa!” The monster screeched as it desperately hung on to the pyramid’s top. “It doesn’t matter what you say! Futaba is MY property! Defying one’s mother is absolutely disgraceful!” Futaba shook her head. These were only the final words of a monster that should have died long ago. This was NOT her mother. She would not allow her heart to be swayed any longer._

_“Enough. I’ll be taking Futaba now,” the UFO pilot heard Akira defiantly say to the creature’s face. A smile crept onto her own as her eyes moved towards the leader of the Phantom Thieves. He certainly had charisma and the moves to back it up, as she learned during this battle. She could understand why the rest of the team trusted his direction. Maybe one day, she too could... No. That was something to save for later. Right now, it was time to take care of this monster. It did not deserve to have her mother’s face._

_“Shut up! SHUT UUUUP!” The sphinx slammed its paws onto the surface in a last attempt to crush the teens. Wind and debris flew by as the Thieves effortlessly dodged its attack, their guns never losing focus of their target. The cognitive creature stared upwards, towards the UFO that the hacker was inhabiting. Those dark, piercing eyes terrified Futaba in the past. As she huddled in her chair, begging for the voices to stop, those eyes looked at her. Telling her to die. Telling her it was all her fault. No longer. Those eyes did not belong to her loving mom. Those eyes were nothing more than false images created by those evil adults. Futaba would not let them torment her any longer._

_“Hnngh... Futaba... Futaba! If only I had never birthed you!”_

_“No matter what you say to me... I WILL LIVE!” She shouted it out for the world to hear. She had declared her freedom. She was going to live. She was going to be happy. That false guilt. Those horrid voices. Those demons of the past. They would haunt her no more._

_“FIRE!” She told Akira directly. The masked leader aimed his gun right in between the sphinx’s eyes. Finger on the trigger. Nanoseconds away from firing. And then... he put his arm down._

_Wait, what?_

_“Uh... Joker?” The blonde kid with the skull mask looked at him in confusion._

_“What’s the matter?” the girl with the spiky shoulder pads questioned._

_The others turned towards their leader, baffled by his actions. Futaba groaned. Seriously? Everyone was in the moment, her determination was set, everything was all good to go. Did he run out of bullets or something? Even the cognitive monster just started in silence. What the heck happ-_

_“Futaba!” Akira looked upwards as he yelled her name. His eyes were facing her, followed by the widest and smuggest smile she had ever seen from anyone._

_“Wh-what?” She was completely lost. What in the world did he want now of all times? Was he about to hit on her? She swore she was going to punch him hard if it was anything dumb._

_“Wouldn’t it be better for you to finish it?” His expression changed as the question came out. Even through the mask, she could see that there was only sincerity in his smile. Her eyes widened in realization. He was right. This vile creature was a representation of everything that tortured her for the past two years. Who better to put a bullet in its brain than Futaba herself? The hacker slowly lowered the UFO to ground level, exiting out the hatch at the bottom._

_Her legs were slightly wobbly as she began to walk towards Akira. She must have consumed more energy than she thought. She could feel the other Thieves look at her with concern. The dark-haired boy’s eyes never left her own as she slowly approached him. She had to admit, she didn’t see this coming four months ago when Sojiro took him in. The shut-in genuinely believed this delinquent kid was going to steal Sojiro’s money and then she was going to get him removed from LeBlanc and never see him again. But here he was, being the one to save her. No. Reminding her that it’s okay to want to save herself. Akira stuck his arm out, the pistol in his grasp waiting for her. Futaba nodded as she took it into her own hands. She... trusted him._

_“Thanks. I owe you one,” she flashed a smile of her own as she faced the monster wearing her mother’s face. She gripped the gun with her right hand, left hand securely wrapped around her fingers. Her index finger was on the trigger. Her vision was focused at this abomination’s forehead. She meant what she said. She will live. No one will stop her anymore._

_“You got this,” she heard Akira’s voice next to her, his confidence only confirming her resolve. She nodded once more and took aim. Right in between its eyes. Futaba took a deep breath. She applied pressure to her finger._

_“EAT THIS!” Futaba roared as she pulled the trigger. The bullet struck the cognitive monster in between its eyes. With one last screech, its grip on the pyramid was released. The body of the beast tumbled down the structure before fading away instantly._

_The young girl let out a breath of pure relief. It was all over. After two years of agony. Two years of suffering. Two years of never-ending guilt. She had put an end to it. With some help, of course. She looked at the gun in her hand and started to give it back to its owner before her legs gave out. Just how drained was she? Futaba sighed and closed her eyes, preparing to hit the ground with a smack. Before the floor could meet the hacker though, she felt a kind hand on her shoulder. The tech expert didn’t even have to look to know who it was. She presented the gun in front of him and Akira took it with an approving grunt. She continued to lean on him for just a moment before using her final reserves of energy to stand up._

_“Nice shot,” the leader stated in full confidence, that smug expression returning to his face._

_“Mwehehe,” the giggle she gave in response contained just as much confidence as her taller neighbor._

_“Damn, you’re freakin’ incredible!” The blonde one exclaimed. Futaba’s attention was already elsewhere however. She lifted her arms up and glanced at her brand-new clothing._

_“Whoa? What in the world?” She questioned as she patted down her body. “Ooh, it’s totally skintight!” When the heck did this get on her? It was sorta cool but definitely not the ideal outfit in this dese-_

_Futaba’s thoughts were interrupted once more as a bright light flashed in her vision. The light rapidly dissipated and there she was, almost like a phoenix rising. Sleeveless turtleneck. ID card. Short black hair. Square glasses covering compassionate eyes. No hatred. No screeching. No rage. Just a blessed, kindhearted smile on her face. This was her. The true her. Not a lie created by someone else. The tears were falling through her mask before Futaba herself realized it._

_“Mom?”_

*********

“And here we are now,” Shadow Futaba said, looking even more transparent than before. Futaba nodded, a grin appearing on her face as she remembered the rush of emotion felt when the bullet entered the monster’s face. Most of the glowing characters in the area were either dimmed or completely out. The only consistent source of light was the white screen and her shadow’s bright yellow eyes. The queen stood up slowly, her hand extending out to her other self. Futaba took it and proceeded to stand as well. The pharaoh did not let go of her hand.

“So? What have you learned?” the shadow inquired.

“Uh... Guns are cool?” she gave the first thing that came to mind. The question perplexed the young hacker. What knowledge did she acquire as she journeyed these memories? Some of the best moments of her life were here, mixed in along with the worst. What new information did she comprehend, traveling through her past once more?

“Futaba Sakura. What have you learned? Or rather, what have you known all along?” Shadow Futaba repeated, this time with a subtle force in her voice. She squeezed her true self’s hand tighter. That’s right. Her shadow was only here to assist her. Just like how it was in the Palace. That’s because Shadow Futaba was... well, Futaba. If she understood, then Futaba understood. She just had to trust herself.

“I...I’ve been through a lot. It was... terrifying. For so long, I was trapped by the guilt of killing Mom. There was no escape. I didn’t even want to escape at first. Everywhere I went, the word ‘murderer’ went with me. I hated the world and... myself most of all.” Futaba almost tore herself away from her shadow’s gaze. But she couldn’t. She knew she had to face herself for this moment.

“But now?” Shadow Futaba asked, much more see-through than before.

“...I’m not that scared little kid anymore. I’m not the same Futaba who cowered in fear as the adults yelled at her. I know the truth now. Even if it takes me years, I won’t stop until I find Mom’s killer. I’ll make them pay for what they did to her. And to me. And to Sojiro!”

“And?” The pharaoh pressed further.

“And... and... I’m... not... alone?” The realization had finally dawned on her. This was what her shadow wanted her to understand throughout this entire dream journey. “Sojiro will always have my back. And... then there’s... Hold up! You want me to ask the Phantom Thieves for help again?!” It struck her like lightning. Shadow Futaba bobbed her head and smiled, as proud as a teacher was of their ace student.

“You finally understand. You witnessed their strength and their kindness for yourself. We both know you’ll be able to get closer to Mom’s killer if you join them,” the shadow squeezed her mirror’s hand with even more strength.

“Nope nope nope nope! Noooope! I can’t ask them to help me out twice! That’s like max level embarrassing. Besides, we’re not even friends!” Futaba’s eyes widened, the thought of the Thieves rejecting her immediately passing through her mind. “After I take care of Medjed, we won’t have a reason to talk to each other.”

“Are you so certain about that?” The grin on Shadow Futaba’s face radiated such a high level of “You’re wrong” that Futaba had to resist the temptation to headbutt herself. Was she truly incorrect though? Sure, the Phantom Thieves have only shown generosity and consideration both to Sojiro and to her. Sure, they were going around trying to help out society like secret heroes. But why would they personally be interested in her? She could not comprehend why any of them would want to be friends with her. Any of them... except... for...

“Akira...” The hacker muttered in realization. The shadow nodded in approval. That’s right. Akira Kurusu. The person her guardian adopted four months ago. The person who moved into an attic she could walk to in minutes. The person she saw and communicated most with in these past two years that was not named Sojiro Sakura.

 **_Akira:_ ** _Wait for us. We’ll save your heart_

 **_Akira:_ ** _We’re going to get it done. Trust me._

_“I’m going to help her. No matter what.”_

_“We promised her we’d change her heart. Whatever happens, don’t give up!”_

_“Boss told us. He said she did her best to raise you alone. Isn’t that the truth?”_

_“Nice spacecraft. I’ll be counting on you.”_

_“We’ve got her back.”_

_“Enough. I’ll be taking Futaba now.”_

_“You got this.”_

_“Heh. I like that about her.”_

Futaba... trusted him. She could understand and accept that as fact. From the text messages sent once he knew Alibaba’s true identity, to the climactic battle that freed her heart. Akira has only ever been supportive of her. Even in the conversations she had eavesdropped on, the leader of the Phantom Thieves showed nothing but pure determination in trying to save her. Hell, he let her borrow his gun and deal the final blow herself. Just like when she saw Sojiro’s compassion after waiting through her silence for months. She recognized that this person only had her best interests in mind. He's...

“A friend already,” Futaba stated with no doubt. Akira Kurusu was her friend. He would fight his hardest for her. He would help her again in a heartbeat. She could genuinely believe that.

“Indeed. Akira is someone you can place your trust in. He already believes in you. Show him that you’ll believe in him too,” Shadow Futaba said. “With time, you’ll also be able to fortify your friendships with the other Phantom Thieves. Join their journey and Mom’s killer will most certainly be found along the way.”

“Y-yeah. I can do that,” the tech wizard gulped, swallowing down some nervousness. Everything her shadow said made sense and yet she couldn’t help the instant uncertainty. The thought of actively making friends with people after years of self-isolation sparked some dread in Futaba. But she had to try. She promised that she was going to live her life and she meant it. These guys would even be able to help her find Mom’s killer. There was no actual downside to getting closer to them. She already had a headstart in this quest too. Akira would become her key item and help her break out of this shell.

“And there’s one more person as well,”the pharaoh remarked. She was barely visible by now, about as perceptible as the clearest piece of glass. The lights in the room were almost all faded away. Before Futaba could even process what was said, her shadow pulled her in with surprising strength and wrapped her in a tight embrace. She could feel the queen's jewelry and gold press into her, yet there was no actual pain . The shock and weirdness of hugging herself almost stopped the hacker’s mind in its tracks. Her memories knew of this feeling though. This kind, affectionate hug. It had been two long years since loving, tenderhearted arms were wrapped around her tiny body.

“Mom...” she whispered, longing smile on her face as she reciprocated her shadow’s squeeze. Even if she wasn’t a part of this world anymore. Even if she was gone. Mom would always be there, in her memories and in her heart. Tears welled up in the eyes of both Futabas as they held each other indefinitely. The last of the glowing characters dimmed down, leaving the girl and her shadow shrouded in total darkness. The dream was coming to an end.

“You might not remember everything that happened here. You might not remember any of it. But no matter what may come in the future, have faith in yourself,” Shadow Futaba declared, nothing but pride in her tone. “You have obtained your life and your freedom, Futaba Sakura. Take the next step and reclaim your justice. Bring those bastards out of the shadows and give them the strongest punch you can muster.”

“Yeah... Thanks, me.” The young girl closed her eyes as her arms collided with each other. Her shadow finally disappeared from her grasp. It was time to wake up. Futaba chuckled at the humor of it all. She just spent who knows how long in a dream, talking to herself in order to boost her self-esteem and figure out the next step in her life. It was almost like one of those training montages that happened so much in anime and manga. She took a deep breath. The floor suddenly dropped beneath her, as if it was a trap in her own Palace. She was falling. Falling and falling. Falling for an endless amount of time. She began to count the seconds out of boredom. Wherever the ground was, the genius hoped it would hurry up and show itself already.

*********

“Mmm...” Futaba Sakura blinked multiple times as her consciousness returned to her. The glowing star pattern of her curtains gave a familiar and comforting feeling. She was in her room once more... Once more? Did she leave her room? The last thing within the hacker’s memory was seeing the Phantom Thieves’ worried expressions after someone carried her to her bed. Yet she had a strange feeling she went somewhere after that. Oh well. She brushed the thought off and sat up, stretching her arms as high as they could go. Her body felt energized and refreshed.

 _How long have I been asleep?_ Futaba questioned as she took a glance around. On the drawer next to her bed were her glasses and phone. Futaba reached for the frames first, putting them on her face and adjusting them until they fit properly. The reinvigorated girl then grabbed her phone. Her eyes widened as she briefly looked at the date and time.

_08/21/16 7:24 AM_

...August 21st. Right. It’s been exactly two years. Mom died on this day. The mother she loved so much lost her life on this day. The absolute worst times of Futaba’s life started on this day. She breathed in heavily, then exhaled. It’s been an endless two years. The suffering. The hatred. The blame. The depression. The suicidal desires. But no more. The blame and the guilt that ate at her for all this time was no more. For her own sake. For Sojiro’s. For Mom’s. She won’t let anyone chain her down anymore. She will have her freedom and her happiness.

“Thank you, Mom...” She softly spoke to the room. A tear fell down her smiling face. It was time to move on. This was the day she closed herself off from the world, so it was the perfect day to open herself back up. The tech wizard leaped out of her bed and landed on her computer chair. With a button press, her screen flared to life instantly. After waiting for the startup processes, Futaba double-clicked on her security app and turned on the camera for Cafe LeBlanc.

“Mwehehe,” the motivated hacker laughed. Sure enough, the two people she wanted to see most were on the first floor of the modest restaurant. There was a cup of coffee for each of them placed on the counter. Their somber expressions told her that they were likely talking about today’s date. She nodded to herself. Futaba jumped from her chair and opened her room door. The memory of opening the door to let the Phantom Thieves inside flashed in her thoughts. She shook her head at the embarrassment that followed after. No time for that. The young girl sped to the bathroom, brushed her teeth and took a long shower. She then put on a fresh pair of gray khakis, green sneakers and her classic black tank-top, the words NO WAY splayed across with colored blocks from a certain video game.

Futaba walked to the front door. She inhaled for quite a moment before letting her breath free itself. It was okay. It was all okay now. She may not exactly be comfortable with the world and the people inhabiting it, but they no longer terrified her. It was going to be fine. With one more breath, Futaba opened the door, feeling the outside wind for the first time in a long time.

*********

“Futaba?!” Sojiro stared at his adopted child as she entered the restaurant and took a seat next to his other adopted kid. First his eyes were as wide as a plate, then they blinked multiple times like flashing disco lights, as if trying to confirm that his orange-haired daughter wasn’t a figment of his imagination. Futaba chose not to pay attention to the weight of his shock, instead taking a sip of the coffee the two had left in front of them.

“...It’s cold,” she told the older man in disappointment. As surprised as he was, Akira had to struggle to hold back his giggle. Sojiro’s brain refused to put together a response, the astonishment clouding over all other functions.

“You can’t sell this!” Futaba exclaimed, as if her guardian’s look of amazement was due to the quality of his coffee.

“N-Never mind that,” the coffee expert finally regained his ability to use words. “How did you get here?”

“Uh... I walked,” she responded, her tone as casual as possible.

“...You’re okay?!” Sojiro questioned, his surprise only increasing as time went on.

“Was that bad?” Futaba answered with a question of her own. Would he have preferred that she stay inside? It wouldn’t have been pleasant if he was angry at her.

“Th-That’s not it! I’m just shocked to see you out of the house...” The mixture of concern and solace in his voice reminded her of when she first talked to him after Mom’s death.

“Uh... I’m sorry I worried you,” Futaba told him wholeheartedly. He waited by her door for months. With the patience of an angel, he waited and waited until she was ready to speak to him. She would never forget his kindness.

“It’s...It’s all right.” Sojiro took off his glasses as the tears started to appear. “Just... give me a moment.” The tenderhearted man held a hand to his eyes as he walked away, heading for the attic on the second floor. Futaba watched him go before her peripheral vision noticed Akira’s gaze on her.

“Seems like you had a good sleep,” the tall adolescent said, the combination of relief and sarcasm incredibly apparent. The hacker nodded at him and went deep into thought. Didn’t she have a task she was supposed to do?

“I feel like I’m forgetting something,” she contemplated. Akira couldn’t help the small laughter that came from his mouth.

“Y’know. Medjed. Our deal,” the leader reminded her with an amused tone. His words struck Futaba like a speedy jab. That’s right! Today was also Medjed’s deadline on their ultimatum. Either the Phantom Thieves would expose themselves or Japan’s economy would fall to ruin.

“Oh, that’s it.” The lightbulb turned on in her head. The group of vigilantes had honored their part of the deal and stole her heart. Now she had to complete her end of the bargain. Futaba stood up and faced the leader of the Phantom Thieves, a wide smile on her face. This was a person she could trust. This was a friend. Someone she planned to talk to, hang out with and make further deals with in the future. A key item that would unlock more possibilities in her life. After cracking her knuckles, Futaba put her hand to her mouth, pretending to whisper something to her brand-new party member. However, the words she spoke next were overflowing with confidence.

“Let’s take care of it now. Come.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading~ I really had a lot of fun with this fic! Characterizing Futaba at this point was a little challenging. This was immediately after the battle with Cognitive Wakaba. It was before she spent a week getting to know the Phantom Thieves and before the beach trip with her eventually asking to join them. She didn't really know them before that. You can see it in how quiet and untrusting she was of them when they had their first meeting after defeating Medjed. I believe she would want to get to know them, but reaching that conclusion would take a bit of time.
> 
> Shadow Futaba was fun to write too. She was a representation of Futaba's repressed emotions: her guilt, her depression and her desire to save herself. So if you take away her guilt and depression, what do you have? A quiet, more determined Futaba ready to let herself know what's best for her. But she is still Futaba haha. I hope I was able to properly show that. Also, it was always interesting to me how Futaba immediately warmed up to Akira when she woke up. Casually letting him into her room so that he could see her beat Medjed, hiding behind him when other people were nearby, being able to talk to him easily, etc. I really wanted to write about why she could trust him so quickly.
> 
> That's about all I wanted to say! For my next fic, I'm thinking of doing a battle scene with Akira and Futaba. I'm not sure if they would be dating already but I've wanted to do a ShuTaba battle scene for a while. I wouldn't start on it until I complete Royal though so that would probably be around late summer/early autumn. I also want to continue Her Second Life, but we'll see what Royal changes about post-game P5.
> 
> Again, thank you so much for reading! If you have any questions, comments or feedback, leave them below or hit me up on Twitter [@DawnofScrubs](https://twitter.com/DawnofScrubs)


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